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Gross Decoder

Bible verses can be hard to read—sometimes they even sound like a whole new language. The 2:52 Gross Decoder helps you sort through some really cool Bible verses to see just how gross they actually are. Be sure to click the Decode buttons to get the Bible verses translated for the 21st century. WARNING: DO NOT READ WITH A WEAK STOMACH

Genesis 1:24 And God said, "Let the land produce living creatures according to their kinds: livestock, creatures that move along the ground, and wild animals, each according to its kind." And it was so.

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Bugs and insects were created on the sixth day of Creation with the "creatures that move along the ground".
Genesis 6:20 Two of every kind of bird, of every kind of animal and of every kind of creature that moves along the ground will come to you to be kept alive.

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The ark must have been crawling with tons of insects—beetles, centipedes, termites, snails, lice, and so forth. God told Noah to bring two "of every kind of creature that moves along the ground" (Genesis 6:20).
Exodus 8:16-19 16 Then the LORD said to Moses, "Tell Aaron, 'Stretch out your staff and strike the dust of the ground,' and throughout the land of Egypt the dust will become gnats." 17 They did this, and when Aaron stretched out his hand with the staff and struck the dust of the ground, gnats came upon men and animals. All the dust throughout the land of Egypt became gnats. 18 But when the magicians tried to produce gnats by their secret arts, they could not. And the gnats were on men and animals. 19 The magicians said to Pharaoh, "This is the finger of God." But Pharaoh's heart was hard and he would not listen, just as the LORD had said.

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Gnats are teensy-weensy little bugs, but when billions of them swarmed all over the Egyptians and their animals (Exodus 8:16-19), the Egyptians went wild, and the cows probably ran in circles mooing their heads off. These bugs really bugged the Egyptians. Jesus talked about a gnat in Matthew 23:24.
Exodus 8:20-24 20 Then the LORD said to Moses, "Get up early in the morning and confront Pharaoh as he goes to the water and say to him, 'This is what the LORD says: Let my people go, so that they may worship me. 21 If you do not let my people go, I will send swarms of flies on you and your officials, on your people and into your houses. The houses of the Egyptians will be full of flies, and even the ground where they are. 22 " 'But on that day I will deal differently with the land of Goshen, where my people live; no swarms of flies will be there, so that you will know that I, the LORD, am in this land. 23 I will make a distinction [a] between my people and your people. This miraculous sign will occur tomorrow.' " 24 And the LORD did this. Dense swarms of flies poured into Pharaoh's palace and into the houses of his officials, and throughout Egypt the land was ruined by the flies.

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One of the plagues that God sent upon the Egyptians was filthy flies (Exodus 8:20-24). Gazillions of them! "Dense swarms of flies poured into Pharaoh's palace ... and throughout Egypt the land was ruined by flies" (verse 24).
Exodus 10:13-15 13So Moses stretched out his staff over Egypt, and the LORD made an east wind blow across the land all that day and all that night. By morning the wind had brought the locusts; 14 they invaded all Egypt and settled down in every area of the country in great numbers. Never before had there been such a plague of locusts, nor will there ever be again. 15 They covered all the ground until it was black. They devoured all that was left after the hail—everything growing in the fields and the fruit on the trees. Nothing green remained on tree or plant in all the land of Egypt.

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Here comes insect plague number three—the locust plague! (Exodus 10:1-19). Locusts are like grasshoppers, only bigger, "They invaded all Egypt. ... They covered all the ground until it was black" (verses 14-15). Imagine walking along. Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch. Part of that crunching sound was locusts eating everything in sight.
Leviticus 11:20-22 20 All flying insects that walk on all fours are to be detestable to you. 21There are, however, some winged creatures that walk on all fours that you may eat: those that have jointed legs for hopping on the ground. 22Of these you may eat any kind of locust, katydid, cricket or grasshopper.

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Read closely and at the end of this verse you find a list of insects that the Jewish people could eat. Yes, that is COULD eat. Ugh.
1 Samuel 24:14 Against whom has the king of Israel come out? Whom are you pursuing? A dead dog? A flea?

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When King Saul was hunting David in the mountains, David compared himself to a flea (1 Samuel 24:14; 26:20). He was saying, "I'm such a little nuthin'. Why are you bothering to chase me?"
Psalm 118:12 They swarmed around me like bees, but they died out as quickly as burning thorns; in the name of the LORD I cut them off.

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King David must have been in some pretty wild battles. In Psalm 118:12 he said about his enemies: "They swarmed around me like bees."
Proverbs 6:6 Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise!

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Ants are so hardworking! They just never stop moving! Even King Solomon was amazed by those formidable little Formicidae. (See Proverbs 6:6; 30:25.)
Proverbs 30:15 The leech has two daughters. "Give! Give!" they cry. There are three things that are never satisfied, four that never say, "Enough!"

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Leeches look like slugs, but have suckers on the ends of their bodies to suck blood. Your blood. Proverbs 30:15 talks about a leech with two daughters.
Jonah 4:7 But at dawn the next day God provided a worm, which chewed the vine so that it withered.

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The "worm" that chewed the vine that Jonah sat under was a Lepidopterouslarva with one huge appetite (Jonah 4:7).
Job 13:28 So man wastes away like something rotten, like a garment eaten by moths.

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Both Job and Jesus talked about the moths eating clothes (Job 13:28; Matthew 6:19). It’s kind of a fancy way to say "WAKE UP! YOU ARE BEING RUINED!"
Job 21:26 Side by side they lie in the dust, and worms cover them both.

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When Job talked about "worms" covering dead bodies, he was talking about fly maggots (Job 21:26).
Acts 12:23 Immediately, because Herod did not give praise to God, an angel of the Lord struck him down, and he was eaten by worms and died.

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Herod was eaten alive by worms (Acts 12:23). Not a nice way to go.